7 Experiences with child-raising in a polyamorous relationship

The more people there are who live polyamory not only as an episode but as a permanent way of life, the more important the question of child-raising in a polyamorous relationship becomes.

Louisa Leontiades on her experiences with child-raising in a polyamorous relationship

Well-known author Louisa Leontiades has written an article with very illuminating and stimulating insights from her experiences.  Here are some excerpts.

  1. I learned that parallel polyamory is not an option for me….I am not willing to spend much of that time away from my family, which means my partners have to spend nearly as much time together with each other, as I do with them. I’m looking to build and nurture an integrated family, as well as multiple relationships.

  2. I learned that my love for adults is conditional…Polyamory has also highlighted to me the fact that my love for my partners no matter how strong, is conditional. And that the condition is my kids’ health, wellbeing and safety.

  3. I learned that kids benefit from different role models who are not me… I once thought that my egalitarian vision of a loving and expansive life was the ‘right’ one and that I was bringing my children up the ‘right’ way, until I realised that even though what I want for my children above all is agency, my stubborn vision meant I wasn’t supporting their way enough.

  4. I learned that sometimes I need to be dishonest to protect my kids… (You better read the whole article for this one)

  5. I learned that one of the biggest impacts on a kid’s environment is stress……. Unstable and acrimonious relationships–monogamous or polyamorous–can be conducive to a level of stress known as toxic. At the same time some stress is needed for healthy development.

  6. I learned that sex-negativity was harmful to mothers and their children… (Please read the whole article for this one, as it is so perdsonal I couldn´t really get myself to make an excerpt).

  7. I learned what immense privilege I have, and now my kids know that too … We have race privilege, class privilege which enables a certain financial flexibility to choose. Right now we have chosen to live in Berlin, an accepting city full of diversity. I have not earned this privilege, and I recognise how it benefits me and my choices. It protects my kids. … I hope I would have become aware of my privilege anyway, but I do know that polyamory is what first brought my own privilege to my attention ten years ago.

7 Experiences with child-raising in a polyamorous relationship

Link to article 7 Things You Learn Raising in Kids in an Open Relationship


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About Viktor Leberecht 686 Articles
Viktor Leberecht studied history and is a trained and experienced journalist. He does not belong to any religion or ideological group. Since 2003 Viktor has been living in a polyamorous and open relationship with a woman who was married to another man - her husband died in 2018. Viktor gives speeches and writes about polyamory and its marital form, polygamy, to inform, dispel prejudice and promote social acceptance of polyamory and polygamy.

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